First, we made it sisters. We made it through Father’s Day. I know for some of you it seemed like an impossible mountain to climb, but here we are, still here.
Now, my secret…
Well, as most of you know my son graduated at the end of May. If you don’t know that, Hi, are you new here? Welcome to the crazy. Anyway, I was feeling desperate and sad, so, so, sad. I really don’t think even I knew how sad I was. It was breaking me that my Dad couldn’t be at my son’s graduation. I know he was there in spirit, but you know – and I know that’s never enough.
I chanted, I prayed, I begged, anything, just a sign from him that he was around days before graduation, but I got nothing..and I was completely devastated. I don’t remember feeling that heartbroken in a long time.
The day of the graduation we all got ready. Kam left ahead of us, last minute details I suppose. I felt like my head was going to explode. I became nauseated and sat down with my head between my knees for a few moments…it didn’t help much.
The first thing I saw when I looked up was my Dad’s urn. I looked at it for what seemed like a really long time, even though it was probably just moments. I stood up, looked in the mirror one more time, grabbed my purse and my Dad’s urn.
No way he was missing this graduation.
So yes, I took my Dad’s ashes to my son’s graduation and didn’t tell a soul, not even Mr. D. I just wanted it to be something private for me to know.
Not the craziest thing that I’ve ever done, but now, everyone knows.
Love to all of you on this day that has since passed and we have survived it. I know there will be other days that will be harder than this one but, if we don’t loose ourselves and are honest with our feelings we can make it through that shitty day too…