I have a secret…

I have a secret…

First, we made it sisters. We made it through Father’s Day. I know for some of you it seemed like an impossible mountain to climb, but here we are, still here.

Now, my secret…

Well, as most of you know my son graduated at the end of May. If you don’t know that, Hi, are you new here? Welcome to the crazy. Anyway, I was feeling desperate and sad, so, so, sad. I really don’t think even I knew how sad I was. It was breaking me that my Dad couldn’t be at my son’s graduation. I know he was there in spirit, but you know – and I know that’s never enough.

I chanted, I prayed, I begged, anything, just a sign from him that he was around days before graduation, but I got nothing..and I was completely devastated. I don’t remember feeling that heartbroken in a long time.

The day of the graduation we all got ready. Kam left ahead of us, last minute details I suppose. I felt like my head was going to explode. I became nauseated and sat down with my head between my knees for a few moments…it didn’t help much.

The first thing I saw when I looked up was my Dad’s urn. I looked at it for what seemed like a really long time, even though it was probably just moments. I stood up, looked in the mirror one more time, grabbed my purse and my Dad’s urn.

No way he was missing this graduation.

So yes, I took my Dad’s ashes to my son’s graduation and didn’t tell a soul, not even Mr. D. I just wanted it to be something private for me to know.

Not the craziest thing that I’ve ever done, but now, everyone knows.

Love to all of you on this day that has since passed and we have survived it. I know there will be other days that will be harder than this one but, if we don’t loose ourselves and are honest with our feelings we can make it through that shitty day too…

Much love,

Stephanie

By | 2018-06-18T01:03:23+00:00 June 18th, 2018|dad, Fatherless Daughers, grief, heartbroken, loss|4 Comments

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4 Comments

  1. Lissette Martinez-Morales June 18, 2018 at 8:27 am - Reply

    What you call crazy stuff Stephanie is what makes you so unique, special & just so giving. Taking your Dad with you quietly like that to an event as important as your son’s graduation was wonderful. You identified what was making you even physically ill & found a solution. I applaud you for making that decision. I admire you even more so for your willingness to bare your soul on here & sharing your secret. Awesome! Be well Sister! πŸ’œπŸ™πŸ™πŸ’œ

    • fatherlessdaughters June 29, 2018 at 11:59 pm - Reply

      Crazy = Me I guess. I’m just built differently from other people – I think that is why a lot of people don’t get me – but you do Lissette. Thanks for always being there sister. Much love, Stephanie

  2. Jackie June 18, 2018 at 2:15 pm - Reply

    Is this a picture of your dad with your son who just graduated? I am new to this site and wondering what that population of followers are? A fatherless daughter to me is one whose dad was never present in their lives. I lost my dad when I was 8 years old. Was your dad around through your growing up years, into adulthood, and to see your children? What is the criteria for fatherless daughter?

    • fatherlessdaughters June 29, 2018 at 11:57 pm - Reply

      Yes, this is a picture of my Dad and my son. Yes, my Dad was around throughout my life and my son’s life before he passed away. There is no “criteria” for being a fatherless daughter. Most of the women on our page have had their Dads pass away. If you’d like to share and stay with the group we’ll be happy to get to know you Jackie.
      Much love, Stephanie

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